Wednesday, February 13, 2013

what to let go of and what to pick up...

Today is a beautiful day for February in Chicago. The sun is shining and its in the 40's. It's Ash Wednesday. I started this post a few days ago and continuing to think on what is most important (and most interesting) to write on this topic. My spirits are high today. I made it to church this morning and had some time to meditate, think and pray before work. I had a fabulous coffee and then my usual detox smoothie, (so maybe the coffee and the detox drink don't go together, but I heard some great music on the drive in and I am feeling lots of gratitude today. I think when my son was first born I blew off Lent that year...all I could think about was sleep. I still think a lot about sleep and dream of naps...but that's another story. This year I have a different perspective from all the other years and its tripping me up a bit. Maybe its the crazy transition I am in the middle of or maybe it's the church shopping, but whatever it is, I don't think I have ever thought about what my higher power might want for me, for Lent. Maybe this is something all of you (who practice Lent) think of each year and you are appalled that I am now just catching on. But regardless, this is where I am at. I am hoping to at least scratch the surface. It takes me days (sometimes longer to complete a blog post). Many of them end up being nothing more than digital journal entries because they never get posted. Between caring for my son, multiple part time jobs, and the rest of my pursuits, I am pulled in many directions. So...I suffer from distraction disorder...hmmm...joking, but maybe I am on to something. But truthfully being distracted is a challenge I work hard to overcome. I pray every day to be more present. I drag my thoughts to the past, to the future and to places that really don't mean much other than they are a nice distraction. Yet, I want to be more present. While teaching yoga I am preaching to my class, but also to myself, to stay present and giving tips on how to do that. I need to tape that monologue and play it continuously for myself. I am big believer in taking the positive path. I want to be realistic, but optimistc. I think this is a good thing. But...I have found at times I want to take the silver lining outlook to the extreme. I would rather jump the emotional hurdle and just go straight into a happy, optimistic place and be done with it. Yet, my loving support system likes to remind me (why do I listen to you loving support system), that when issues re-surface its an opportunity to learn an important lesson...and I know I would be kicking myself later if I ignored the repeat visit (and didn't learn and grow). But darn it..that sounds a little painful...not fun or optimistic. Regardless of what it might be, I am going to do my best to take this time...40 days (and likely more, boo)...and do the work...more work. But I am also open to this being super fast and not being painful...thinking positively about the thinking positively process...hmmm...anyway... I think that church shopping is messing with me too..although it is fun. If you have never done this, I highly recommend it. Possibly I have visited too many denominations in too short a time. I may redo my plan and stick to one denomination per month or something like that, so its not overwhelming. The differing attitudes and perspectives are likely adding to my distractions. However, its been a groovy journey and I am excited to go through it and to eventually decide where I want to land. It may be interesting content for a post... For now, my list of stuff to pick up and let go of for Lent will likely be its still in progress...but at the top of the list I am praying for God to help me with my distractions. To clear my thoughts, words and behaviors; of distractions that are not serving me at this time. To be cleared of them and be filled with calm, guidance and purpose (peace)...and everything I need and desire that my higher power desires for me. To be able to work through whatever I need to work through. Praying for a healthy and fun 2013! At the top of any of my lists...I hope and pray to be the best parent I can be. To be present for my son at all times. To help him to connect with his three year old version of God. To raise him to be confident, loving, wise and courageous. To help him make sense of this world and to have fun. My heart grows with every hug, smile and giggle. He is the most amazing gift from God. I am forever grateful. I pray that you find some peace, purpose and have fun too! Until my next post...I hope you have sweet dreams.


Faith said...

Leah my friend. Your "higher power" I hope is your Savior Jesus Christ. I remember the day that you made that committment; don't forget that His blood saved you not just from an enternity in hell, but he will continue to "save" you from your earthly struggles. I do not recommend "church hopping" - it can cause you to disconnect from the church body. One of God's commands to be in community (in fellowship) with His people. This allows people to know you, really know you, so they can help you with your walk with Jesus, your walk in life, the raising of your beautiful son and everything that really matters. The key is that these people that are building into your life must also be following Jesus with there whole heart, mind and soul or you will just be following some other person or philosophy. This part really, really matters because what you decide to believe will have an effect on what Dean believes and accepts and his ultimate eternity in heaven or hell as well. Some reading this comment may not agree with me, but I've got life experience and some awesome teenagers who love and follow Jesus with their whole hearts. And it just matters - do you want joy in the circumstances or do you just want to muddle through and feel like your never really "there". Enough rambling... give me a call Leah, you have my number and I'd be glad to help however I can. Blessing on you and Dean and your search - keep seeking the truth.

leahv said...

Dearest Faith. I will call you.

I welcome all opinions and love that you share yours with me.

I like to think God is okay with my church shopping as I strive to find a place to connect with.