gratitude

On Christmas night, I started to write this.... Tonight, as my dear son sleeps and I am totally restless and dreaming of what I want Christmas to be like for our family now and in years to come...I am reminded of all I am grateful for. I am so thankful for my son. He is the most amazing and precious blessing from God. No matter where we live, who we celebrate this holiday with or what transitional seas we are steering our ship through, our life is good and getting better all the time. I am blessed. Although my family and friends are spread out across the country and I wish I could have them all in one place, I am grateful for the family and friends I do get to celebrate with. I am grateful for the friends I hear from and get notes from. I am grateful for the friends I have not heard from. The memories and experiences of the past and present enrich my life. Most of my family and friends are healthy and thriving. I have received so much love and support. I am supremely happy for quality time, hugs, and wise counsel from loving family and friends. I am blessed. Although the gifts and toys are scattered around in our space, and no matter how many times I clean...the toys, art supplies and endless piles of books and movies are never tidy and neat...I am grateful for our abundant life. The year has brought us an overflowing of generosity and gifts. We have more than plenty and all of our needs are cared for. I am blessed. Although I fall short of my ideals and sometimes veer from the path that I do my best to walk on, I am grateful for second and fifteenth and 10,000th chances to try again. I am grateful that I am not a finished product. As wise friends have shared with me in the past, each experience in my life gives me more opportunities to work on 'it' yet again...whatever that 'it' is at that moment. What I haven't tackled in the past, will undoubtedly show itself again, giving me a chance to learn and grow. I pray I learn and grow, lol. Onward and upward! I am blessed. This has been a holiday, a season, and a year of awareness. I am sure that many more opportunities for awareness will arise, giving rise to more opportunity for learning, growth, change and improvement. I am grateful that I am lucky enough to have a higher power in my life. I am so blessed. My good vibes, positive thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray we all clearly see and embrace the blessings in our lives and look forward to a healthy, happy and amazing new year. We are all so blessed. Sweet dreams and much gratitude.

Scam or safety? Do you buy $$$ it?

So, when it comes to buying things for the baby, the toddler, any child of any age, there are a ton of choices. There are more choices than than the ocean is vast...it's overwhelming. I can not and will not research everything. I will say that twice so I can hear it and possibly oblige with my more rational self...I can not and will not research everything. Thankfully or regretfully...I am no longer buying baby stuff. It was fun buying baby stuff...it's all so cute. However, I am past the money pit seduction of never ending cool stuff for babies. Now, we are into pre-school aged stuff and I notice that my car seat is going to expire soon. This car seat was previously used by my friends' kiddo and the 'due date' is now fast approaching. It was so nice to have been able to have access a used car seat. It's a huge blessing on a tight budget and it's recycling...bonus! I have tried to research car seats and expiration dates in the past and either the info was too confusing, non-existent or entirely based on fear tactics...but nonetheles, I never got a straight answer. Do plastics expire? Does styrofoam expire? Do they break down that quickly that they are rendered unsafe with in a few years? OR...is this a giant hustle? Maybe I am prone to conspiracy theories...lol...or I just have trust issues...who said that? Kidding...but this seems like a scam to me. Do I need to rush out and buy my kiddo a new car seat because it's expiring...or can we keep using it until he outgrows it? The fear factor is HUGE. Is it dangerous to use an expired seat? Is my child less safe? Are safety standards for car seats changing too rapidly and so you should change your seat out more often to have the best, latest and greatest in car seats? The Mom guilt seeps in...and tries to take over. If you have any real data, real answers...or anything really funny to add, please comment. Or if you have a car seat that is not expired, and you no longer use it and want to 'donate' it to our cause, eh-hem...please let me know. Until then...peace, love and sweet dreams!

Best job ever...

Can you remember the best job you ever had? Why was it great? Why did you leave that job? Have you tried to re-create it? The best job I have ever had is the one I have had for the past 3 years. I love being a stay at home Mom. It's the hardest job I have ever had. It is the most rewarding job I have ever had. You've heard all of this from other parents before. It's all true. There is no delayed gratification or worrying that I am wasting my time. This job has all the perks. I can see progress in 4D. I can see my son blossoming. Hugs, kisses, wrestling, running through sprinklers, singing, jumping, dancing, and more, much more are on the daily menu. I get to provide medical care, emotional therapy, personal training, nutritional advice, cooking, maid service, transportation, teaching, you name it. I have an amazing 2 year old (soon to be three) who makes sure that I know that he would be better off (eh-hem...we would be better because he would be less cranky), if we are running around from sun up to sun down. To say that he is active is an understatement. I spend his nap researching what fun places we should go so he can learn and experience new things. There is so much of this world I want to show him. He is in this explosive growth phase right now. He is picking up everything and consuming and deciphering new information like crazy. I love how he sees the world. He is so easily amused. He loves so easily. He forgives so easily. A new friend at the park could shove him (or he does that to a new friend) and the next minute they are hugging and running through the playground. The simplest of things are his delights. I wish that a card board box and a playground would have the same effect on me. Life would be so much easier, lol. He is happy and joyful. He is so friendly and outgoing. He is such a blessing. I am ridiculously grateful to be his Mom. Raising children that are healthy emotionally, spiritually and physically is one of the most important jobs in this world! But what about paying the bills? So, circumstances have changed and being a staying at home that teaches yoga a couple times per week won't cut it anymore. It's time for me to flex my business chops (did I even use that phrase correctly, lol)... I need to pay the bills and be the best Mom I can be. I know I can't 'do it all'...but I do want to do the best I can. I am putting 'it out there' in prayer and positive thoughts that I am looking for the next right step. I have so many ideas. The ones I like the best seem too risky. The traditional ones seem too boring. The easy ones seem too low paying. Wherever your faith is at, just go with me on this statement...maybe I am low balling my higher power. Maybe God has something in store for me that I hadn't dreamt of? Maybe I keep trying things that are too small? Maybe I am just way off base? I am praying for neon blinking signs of direction. With a bunch of emotional circumstances in my life right now...I fear that my clarity, when it comes to my career that is, may be off. So, I am looking for direction. So, what is right? What to do? Where to go? What is the best thing for me and my family? What is my next step? Do we live in Chicago? I have family there and it's cheaper to live here. There is a decent job market here. I have good friends here. I grew up here. I like 'some' of the seasons. But, I have made my home in California. I LOVE California. I hate how expensive it is and that the job market always seems less than desirable no matter what is happening with the economy. I have family that is around 100 miles away. I have good friends here too. Could I convince more family to move here??? The tilt-a-whirl of thoughts that I pretend is brainstorming is as follows, (these are my favorites anyway): Still toying with going back to school for nutrition...but also thinking about education. Maybe I start a preschool? Open a yoga studio and offer nutrition services too? Combine them...yoga studio, preschool, kids yoga, nutrition for adults, nutrition for schools... I want a great career. A career that pays well, that makes a difference, gives back to the community and allows freedom and flexibility so I can spend time with my son...I am asking a lot. But why not. 1 - what do I feel the most peace about...what path seems the most supported by loving, wise people in my life. 2 - what serves my family best... 3 - what would I regret not doing... 4 - what are the risks versus the rewards. If you are thinking about starting a business too, redirecting your career, going back to school... (or if anything I am writing about sounds interesting), let me know your thoughts and ideas. Plus, I could always use a business partner. Now, lots to ponder, meditate and pray on. If you see me in yoga class and I look too serious, remind me to smile. Praying for peace that surpasses understanding. Until next time, sweet dreams!

Detox, re-tox...is there a mid-level tox I can sign up for?

Detoxing...does this sound like any fun?

I feel like this is something I am supposed to do? That question may be totally false...but it sounds true. There are a million different ways to supposedly detox, but which way is best. Do you need to detox? Eating well and working out, shouldn't that be enough?

Do I really need one more thing to add to the list of have to's to find true health?

Maybe?

Too much research has left me confused. Very confused. I read through databases comparing organics food, products I use and lotions and detergents I use for my child and see if any of the ingredients have potential dangers for prolonged use. Ugh. The problem is that now I know too much.

I can't knowingly put lotion on my son that has ingredients in it that may be harmful down the road...or do that to myself. But, I don't want to go crazy checking lables and websites for every thing we use. I want to have time and energy to have a life. So, how do I not spend all of my 'lack of free time' researching?

I decided to start a personal journey of minimal detox...pick the things I felt were most important and do-able and see how it goes...the ups the downs...how many times I fall off the wagon, etc...

I started with food...ofcourse...

buying organic when the budget allows - this part has been easy and tasty, but sometimes pricey, so I have to pick and choose

limiting animal product consumption - this has been easy too

limiting processed foods - not so easy...processed foods are everywhere, in our routine, easy, fast, and many are cheap eats. I can make healthier choices in this category, but cutting it out completely feels overwhelming

limiting most processed sugars - this has been REALLY hard...I am on the sugar roller coaster...I know it's not healthy and I know I am addicted. when I cut processed sugar out, i am able white knuckle it for a week or so and then I crash and end up at the bakery buying chocolate chip cookies....and then craving sweets for days afterwards. ugh!

limiting alcohol - keeping this to a couple of beverages per weekend is normal for us, but cutting it out is not my idea of a good time. We do love craft beer and great wine...so this one may not get changed. the calorie loss in limiting alcohol would be awesome and its easier on the budget for sure...but we still like it...hmmm....however, this one is clear, alcohol is a poison to the body...anyway....back to this on another blog post

Now I am working on skin products, this is overwhelming. there is so much out there to choose from and so many sources for information on what ingredients are good, bad and totally dangerous. I am starting small...as I run out of whatever product I normally use, I am replacing it with a more natural (and supposedly healthier and safer product).

My latest experience has been with natural deodorants. I am trying to find an aluminum free, paraben free and preservative free products that helps me not stink...hmmm...this is challenging. I rounded up my experts (other friends who use natural products, lol), books and websites and skimmed over ratings. I chose one that seemed like the perfect product. Supposedly, conventional antiperspirants have clogged our sweat glands and normal bodily processes so much that it takes a couple of weeks on a natural product to work your way through the funk so that the natural product can even work...that's right...up to a few weeks with the funk. Look out people on the treadmill next to me, lol!

It's been a few weeks now and the stink is substantially less stinky, thank goodness! But still not the greatest. I have to re-apply through out the day and the consistency is so sticky that it attracts lint like crazy. If the particular brand I bought doesn't pull through in the next week, it will be time to try another one.

Until then...rock the funk, or not...

and sweet dreams!

vegan flirting...

As if I don't have enough things to do, be concerned with, use my energy on, and to research, now I am rethinking the foundation of how I eat.

None the less, my addiction to documentaries about food, agriculture and the environment is taking over. I guess I love causes and this is one of the many my heart is drawn to.

Not that I am not interested in anything strict or overly structured regarding food...that sounds like hell. I don't like being told what to do or how to do it...so a rule book on how to eat is not my idea of a good time. Plus, I like beer and cookies, (although I am trying to minimize processed sugars because I feel SO much better with out it). Strict is just not for me.

Over the past 2 years I have watched a half dozen documentaries and read quite a few books on food and the last few I consumed are infecting my brain...in a good way...but in a way I can no longer ignore.

As I was watching the last film and reviewing the latest book with my hubby, he said, "I don't want to be a strict vegan, but I like the idea of going vegan". I laughed and said, "is there any other option for vegan other than strict?". Aren't those two things interchangeable...vegan is strict, right? He meant, that he wants to be vegan 90% of the time or something like that. Okay...now we're talkin.

I feel like I have been exposed to too much information to put the blinders back on and feel good about food I used to eat. Ugh. Now I will be super opinionated and piss some of you off...sorry...I love you.

I don't want to ingest food that has been pumped full of chemicals, antibiotics, hormones, cleansing agents, etc. I don't want to eat food that was previously living in horrific conditions and then slaughtered. Beyond the horror factor of living and killing conditions...I believe negative energy resides in their physical being, because of how they lived and died. I feel as if I am getting some of that traumatic and negative energy when I ingest that meat.

I don't want my family to eat dairy from a cow that is constantly preggers so that it can produce milk and has their offspring taken away from them.

In my heart of hearts, I know the most humane way for meat or dairy consumption, would be to get it from an animal that lived on a farm where they roamed grassy farm land, ate food that was healthy and safe, got medical attention if they were ill and then were killed in the most humane way possible. That type of meat is not convenient to get and is expensive to buy. There is also that killing part and even if its humane, it's still killing.

There are a hundred other reasons to bring up on this issue, but these are on my mind at this moment.

I am still working my way through this. One day I eat eggs, the next few I eat no animal products...and so on. The one animal product that I really enjoy is sushi...other than that craving, I could easily walk away from eating animal products. I think I may start with a vegan 'cleanse' and see how I feel. Eating more plant based foods and whole grains...limiting processed foods too. Limiting processed sugars and other foods is making me feel so much better and happier.

Please share your thoughts with me on this and if you have a vegan recipe you love, please post it. Save your corner of the world in your own way....smile more, eat one less animal based meal per week, plant some flowers, compliment a loved one, think a happy thought, say a prayer...whatever it is....give it a shot. Change the world by changing your world, one baby step at a time.

If you are curious about the documentaries and books that are infecting my brain, here's a few to check out:

Documentaries that I really LOVED -
Forks over Knives
Food Matters
Dirt
Food Inc.
Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Books that I enjoyed -
The Kind Diet
Fast Food Nation
You Are What You Eat

Until next time, sweet dreams!

How did we get to 28 months old?

So...I deided to open my blog. I haven't come here in a while. In fact, I have posted only two entires in all of 2011. I wrote a few entires, but only posted the two times.

My child has gone from my amazing, adorable, needy baby, who never sleeps or gives me a momment alone, to a two year old. He climbs terrifying equipment at the park, has opinions about my clothes and can repeat anything, remember and recall it at will. He knows when he's pooped...if only he would do that in a potty. Soon, soon, right? I am thrilled at his progress and sad that the baby-ness is passing.

The good, wait, I mean great news...he is sleeping so much better. Thank God!

So, my last post was about what to do with my life. How do I reconcile the challenges I face as a devoted stay at home mom who used to have a career and loved the independence of a career and is now feeling stuck somewhere in between.

My choices so far have been slow going. Working through the what if's and have to's and trying to find the healthy place instead has not been easy. Being a career girl has always looked a certain way to me. I have had a vision in my head of this since I was 12 years old. Being a Mom looked a certain way to me too. How do I combine both? How do I honor myself, my family and be realistic?

I have chosen, for now, to follow the stay at home mom and yoga dream. I am teaching yoga and branching out, looking for more opportunities within that community. I am toying with returning to school for a traditional masters, (in nutrition) or getting a certification in something like ayurveda. We toy with the idea of moving somewhere cheaper. Somewhere that we could have a bit more space...maybe a yard....grow vegetables...hang dry our clothes. We love the city, we miss the city vibe we felt attached to in Chicago...but we crave space. Is there a place for us where we could afford more space, have a garden and walk to the yoga studio &/or coffee shop down the road? Does this land exist. Please tell me that it does. I am putting out there that it does and that maybe it could be here. All it takes is a shift.

A shift in belief.

That shift is happening. That is progressing into a shift in our situation. It is there and it is happening.

I subscribe to the philosophy that thoughts and prayers are tools for change. Spiritual change, mental change and then tangible, physical change. I am praying and thinking about the opportunities that are there for my family and for all of us.

As for my 'baby' Dean...he doesn't like my motorcycle boots, will jump to his hearts' content with any good song, showers loved ones with hugs and kisses, and he does not want to share his truck with you.

Until next time, sweet dreams!